Belgium has the reputation of being the dullest country in the world, inhabited only by friendly people
who eat mussels with French fries and mayonnaise and produce Swiss
chocolate. To cut a long story short, which is necessary if you really want to understand why
the formerly 4th greatest power in the world is now close to being cut in really very small shitty pieces, :
Belgium is definitely, totally, completely boring.
Boring, Belgium ? Actually, we found some evidence that this is nothing but an unfair
prejudice. Belgium is actually one of the strangest countries in the world. To begin with, they have the only monument that is 20 cm high and pisses in front of you. They have the only Prime Minister who, when asked to sing the national anthem,mistakenly sings the French one ! They have the only landmark building that’s made exclusively
of… er… balls. For over 150 years, Belgium has produced the best expert and engineering the most inefficient
political structure. Belgium excels at making everything as complicated as possible in their 3 national languages: Dutch, French and German.
They have one central government. Then they have three regions : each with a government that has as much power as the central government. This is a very good way to
make running the country totally impossible. Fortunately, only the region of
Brussels, in the centre, is bilingual in French and Dutch. The Flemish region is monolingual in
Dutch. Although there are administrative services for the French speaking here (Wemmel), here
(Wezembeek), and here (Rhode/Rode) and also here (Voeren/Fourons). And, oh yes
here (Ronse/Renaix). And French speaking citizens can be judged in French in the so-called
BHV-county where a strong minority speaks French.
Wallonia is also a pure French-speaking territory. Well. Except here (Comines/
Comen) and here (Enghien/Edingen) and also here (Ostkantons/Cantons Rédimés)
where the German-speaking minority lives !
So to deal with these numerous minorities, the Belgian Witloof technologists decided that
three regions were not sufficient and added three additional structures, called the communities.
There are 3 communities : Dutch, French and German. Like the central state and like the
regions, each community has a government and a parliament. And for instance the French community
supply cultural and social services to the French speaking people in
Wallonia, and in Brussels. But they may not supply any
services to the 300.000 French-speaking fellows in Flanders because Flanders is monolingual and foreign speakers must speak Dutch, godverdomme !
The German community can only act in Wallonia, the French-speaking region. While the
Dutch community acts in the Brussels region or in Flanders.
So, you see, a French-speaking family in Brussels could depend on the central
government for granddaddy’s pensions, on the French community government for the music
academy, the Dutch community government for the childrenʼs school, the Brussels
government for the garbage recycling and so on. So as a whole, you can have Ministers
of 4 different governments working for one Brussels family ! Now, youʼll understand why Belgians canʼt live together and they canʼt live apart. The Belgian
people are definitely a marvel of Witloof technocracy designed to make all simple things
catastrophically complicated.
And it works which means that it doesnʼt work… at all.
Well, to be honest, one thing unites the different communities of this strange
little naughty country : they all agree that their national dish “French fries” in English. French
fries with Mayonnaise. Frieten met mayon(n)aise. Frites à la mayonnaise. Fritten mit
Majonnaise.
Oh, I forgot : Mr. Van Cauwenberghe is a French politician and Mr Bourgeois is a Dutch
politician. »
Correction: Robin Despeghel